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TO KILL OR BE KILLED: A True Crime Memoir Of Domestic Violence, Survival, And A Prison Sentence

Twelve years of domestic violence at its absolute worst. Constant abuse, control, manipulation, and threats. It had to end some day, some way.

The day we met in October of 1997, I was working at the District Court in Traverse City, Michigan as a Deputy Clerk.  It was like most other days with arraignments, sentencings, civil case hearings and the like. People shuffling in and out, everyone taking care of their important business with court appearances, document filings, paying tickets, fines and bonding loved ones out of jail. 

I loved my job. It was extremely satisfying and interesting with constant interaction with all walks of life, including people on either end of the judicial spectrum and many in between.  Suddenly, there he was.  Tall, handsome, and looking so impressive and important in his Michigan State Police uniform with his hat, gun belt and badge. A powerful man who had chosen a profession to serve and protect. He was extremely friendly and upbeat, smiling profusely.  Best of all, he, too, was unattached.

What could go wrong? He was like a dream man.  We clicked, immediately, and began dating exclusively.  But he was not a dream man. He was a nightmare … as I learned over the next twelve years.

Twelve years of enduring domestic violence at its absolute worst. Constant abuse, control, manipulation, and threats.  Sadistic sexual deviance and sexual violence.  It was only going to end one way: someone would die in our bed and someone would go to prison for murder. 

This is my story about domestic violence, resilience, reckoning and survival.

From The Book:

And it was over, just two days after his last violent act. Over for him because he lay bleeding and dead in our bed. Over for me because I had put three bullets in his body from his very own gun. It was the same gun that he had always proudly said was ready to go, “just point and shoot.” Indeed, it had worked exactly like he promised. I pointed it at him as he lay asleep and I shot him.

Obviously, I knew better than to take a life — but that was before. Before him. Before he so blatantly and purposefully decided to use me, control me, dominate me, demean me, target me, intimidate me, shame me, guilt me, belittle me, isolate me, manipulate me, diminish me, disrespect me, degrade me, stalk me, rape me, scar and bruise me as a person, make me live in fear, and insist I become a whore and feel like a whore.

Author Joni Ankerson

When I met him, I had no idea that his attractive qualities and benefits were intentionally luring me into an ugly, sticky web of abuse. It began slowly, of course, and presented itself very innocently and inconspicuously, but over the years it would play out in the ultimate form of power, control, and authority — full-on domestic violence. Hindsight is 20/20, and for me, a painful procedure. But I realize now, 17 years later, after the trauma and tragedy, that I was completely taken advantage of and preyed upon by a master manipulator, abuser, and outright psychopath.

How did this happen? Confidence and positivity were instilled in me by my loving parents from an exceedingly early age and reinforced throughout my entire life. I grew up in a loving and supportive home, with both parents teaching me, my brother, and my two sisters important life lessons of morals, manners, values, and respect. Most importantly, over and above these values to assist in the navigation of my life, was the gift of belief and confidence in myself and my abilities. My parents taught me that I could do anything I set my mind to, and that with hard work and persistence anything was possible. Carrying these lessons throughout the years of growing up and building relationships made it easy to see the good in people. Love and trust came easily, resulting in solid, life-long unions.

But here I am, writing this book from my prison room. I have been in this Michigan prison, the only prison for women in the entire state, for over six years. This fact is important for you to know at this early point for a couple of reasons: the first being that it is, of course, a huge part of my story. But it is also because after these six years in prison I have finally settled down and, with much thought and reflection, put my experience into some semblance of order and begun to write. 

Filed Under: eBooks, New Releases, Print Books, TO KILL OR BE KILLED, True Crime, True Crime Books Tagged With: domestic abuse, domestic violence, Joni Ankerson, memoir, Michigan, Murder, prison, TO KILL OR BE KILLED, True Crime, true crime book, true crime memoir, truecrime
August 11, 2020 By Joni Ankerson 11 Comments

Comments

  1. Shari says

    August 4, 2020 at 5:34 pm

    I can’t wait to read your story…

    Reply
  2. Judy Horton says

    August 4, 2020 at 5:47 pm

    I’m anxious to read this account of Joni & her husband’s relationship (sad but true).

    Reply
  3. Judy says

    August 4, 2020 at 6:17 pm

    I would like to purchase this book in a hard or paper book. I dont have a kindle. Thanks

    Reply
    • Michael Cordova says

      August 6, 2020 at 6:28 pm

      Hi Judy,
      The paperback should be available on August 11.

      Reply
  4. Sue oblinsky says

    August 5, 2020 at 5:14 am

    Joni we wish you the freedom you deserve to have and peace in your heart !!!!! We know you on two different levels and support you 100%

    Reply
  5. Barbara Lamia says

    August 5, 2020 at 5:17 am

    👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼 So proud of you, Joni! Love u girl!

    Reply
  6. Peggy says

    August 5, 2020 at 8:58 am

    Thanks for sharing your story Joni.

    Reply
  7. Lisa Ralston Ankerson says

    August 6, 2020 at 6:15 pm

    As a life long friend of Joni’s I live I’m guilt that I didn’t so more to help her escape her extremely abusive husband.. yes their were signs but as with most abused women she hid in shame. Her abuse was things I could of never even imagine! I have Read her book and she’d many tears even knowing much of the details, but I could not put the book down…. her writing pulled me right in, very proud this book is being published so that it may safe other women, hopefully they will escape their abuser before it ends with a loss of life! Highly recommend this book

    Reply
  8. Beverly says

    August 10, 2020 at 7:10 pm

    So proud of you Joni for telling your story. Can’t wait to read your book.

    Reply
  9. Bev says

    August 11, 2020 at 9:05 am

    Sounds a lot like my first marriage.

    Reply
  10. Lisa Ankerson says

    August 19, 2020 at 5:14 pm

    So dang proud of Joni for painfully writing her horrible story of torture and every form of abuse imaginable!!! I know It was hard for her to go back in her mind and relive her painful abuse but know it was she needed to do! I told Her this happened for a reason and if it’s to help other women see the signs of abuse much earlier into their possible abusive relationships they hopefully can get out much sooner! As knowing much of the abuse by the time I read it I still couldn’t put it down! Joni is a very talented writer & wish her nothing but the very best in the future , she deserves it!!!

    Reply

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TO KILL OR BE KILLED by Joni Ankerson

Buy TO KILL OR BE KILLED now:

     Kindle $ 5.99   978-1-952225-23-9
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TO KILL OR BE KILLED: A True Crime Memoir Of Domestic Violence, Survival, And A Prison Sentence