Let us be realistic and admit that making the decision to take your abuser’s life and breath is not that of a weak and wrecked woman. That decision, that action comes at the exact moment when your entire being says “no more.” It is the moment when a woman decides to move forward and save her life. Women who have killed their abusers are not murderers, they are simply women who want to LIVE. Unfortunately, these women are placed on the same playing field as people who have killed for money, for drugs, for revenge, for gain — outright evil, criminally minded, uncaring people. Victims of horrific abuse are none of these. Their only consideration at the moment they commit the decided act is for the preservation for their own life.
For this reason, I will be one of the biggest, loudest advocates for victims of abuse when I am released from prison. I will attempt to move Michigan forward towards a clear and concise understanding of the traumatic effects such abuse has on women, women who act out in desperation to stay alive. These women have been through hell on earth at the hands of someone who claimed to love them, but instead used, controlled, dominated, demeaned, targeted, intimidated, shamed, guilted, belittled, isolated, manipulated, diminished, disrespected, raped, degraded, stalked, scarred, and bruised them. They lived in fear and terror. This experience brings them directly to the decision to kill, to stop the threat, to get out, period. No compassionate, caring, thoughtful woman would ever dream of committing murder without being pushed past the line of common sense.
At the same time, I do not believe that these women act spontaneously or impulsively and kill suddenly after one certain act of abuse. The murderous action is brewed and stirred and seasoned over years of purposeful abuse. The act occurs when appointed by their own body’s definition of “enough,” “no more,” and “the time is now.” It almost becomes an earned right by us victims, inasmuch as our abusers felt it was their earned right to purposely inflict the traumatic abuse. I realize this explanation is way out of the realm of acceptance for most people, yet, for me, it is the awful truth. Murder is not the first thought that comes to mind in an abusive situation, but eventually, it feels like the only option for survival.