Losing a young daughter to murder is the worst nightmare that a mother could possibly imagine, but what if the killer was her son? Charity Lee was thrust into this unimaginable situation when her 13-year-old son Paris murdered her beloved 4-year-old daughter, Ella.
Charity goes through intense grief at the loss of her daughter, while at the same time trying to understand why her son would have done something as horrific as this, and how she could have missed the signs that Paris was a true psychopath.
While barely holding herself together throughout her intense grief, Charity is still a mother, and feels a need to advocate for her son to receive appropriate treatment while incarcerated, while at the same time trying to ensure he stays in prison so he can never hurt someone again. Charity still loves her son, and craves a connection with him despite all he has done. Because of her experiences she rebuilds her life and starts a non-profit to help other families of victims, as well as offenders.
This book is a mediation on grief, loss and forgiveness unlike any other. It’s also an inspirational story of a true survivor. Well-written and haunting How Now, Butterfly? is a book that no reader will soon forget.
From The Author:
One, in spite of learning to live with her absence, I still grieve Ella as much as the moment I learned she was dead. She is constantly in my mind, my dreams, my nightmares, my plans, my hopes, my everything. Five years have passed yet I am still consumed by a child who no longer physically exists. I ache to hold my child, to smell her hair, to hear her laugh and her opinions, to see her blossom into the beautiful and spirited woman I fully expected her to be. Maybe grief becomes less intense for some as time passes but it has not for me.
Two, I miss my son, painfully. The expression “heart break” comes to mind.
Whenever I think of Paris, my heart physically constricts in my chest, begins to skip beats. I can’t breath and I start to cry. Considering I think of him if not thinking of Ella, as if they can be separated like that mentally and emotionally, you can imagine how difficult existing in public is at this time.
Three, I now grieve, fully, for my son that was. The Paris I raised and love is gone. The Paris who exists now is loved but feared, cannot be trusted. While I have grieved in small doses as I have watched him change from the amazing and loving son I gave birth to into the unremorseful and sadistic killer of Ella, I still had him in my life so that held my grief at bay. That is no longer the case. For now, for all practical purposes, both my children are lost to me.
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Charity Lee, Earth’s physical embodiment of unconditional love.
You flatter me. Charity Lee, physical being just trying to set a good example.
Thank you.
Hello Charity;
I’m in the very opposite side of the scale. I was the victim who survived and as much as I tried forgiving my father; I have not found the strength and clarity to do so. I want to express my full admiration as I’m a mother and can identify with your pain. We try to protect them from evil; But what to do when they are the evil? My prayers and heart goes out to you and I’m sending you many blessings. You are a true example of resilience and compassion both as well as very high emotional intelligence. I wish I had your strength, courage and empathy.
Anxious to read your book! Just watched your story on Starz Network! I literally cried as I felt your pain; grief and loss! You are a strong woman! May God continue to watch over you, cradle you in His arms and strengthen your resolve! 🙏🏾🙏🏾
Wow, absolutely heartbreaking. I can’t wait to read the book. Sending love to you ❤️
Thank you! I look forward to hearing your thoughts after you read the book.
Much love, many hugs.
Charity is the strongest woman alive.
Living such a tragedy, she has the strength to make something wonderful out of it. I’m looking forward to read the book.
Thank you! Please do let me what you think of the book after you read it. I’d very much like to know how it affects readers, for better or for worse.
Much love, many hugs.
Thank you! Please do let me what you think of the book after you read it. I’d very much like to know how it affects readers, for better or for worse.
I can only imagine the pain and heartbreak you will live with the rest of your life.
Please stay strong for your younger son, and so you may also continue to help others.
God bless you!
Kim
My hope is that you do not even imagine it. Focus on enjoying your life. No worries on the staying strong part. I have that skill down.
Bless you back.
Bless you back.
These are beautiful, powerful, and gut wrenching words. I very much look forward to reading this memoir. ❤
Thank you! I very much look forward to hearing your thoughts when you are done with the book.
True definition of what a Mom is. Unconditional love
Thank you! Make sure to let me know what you think after you read the book.
Charity is helping more people than she will ever really know. The Ella Foundation is a special gift.
I sincerely hope this is the case! Look forward to hearing your thoughts after you read the memoir.
God bless you and your family.
Charity Lee, I am so thankful to be able to connect with you on social media. There is nothing in the world that I could say that would take away the unbelievably gut-wrenching process you’ve had to go through over the past several years. This book is going to be amazing and I am so thankful to the read your beautiful words this morning. This momma’s heart belongs to you too. Keep rising, Sis.
Thank you! Make sure to tell me your thoughts after you read the book!
Really looking forward to reading this book. Charity Lee is the personification of strength and mothering though almost unspeakable trauma. Thank you for telling your story. <3
Thank you for the kind words and for wanting to read my memoir. Be sure to tell me what you think when you are done.
Thank you for sharing this part of the book,
This was powerful,I am looking forward to read the whole book .
Thank you x 💞
Continued love to you Charity. I admire and respect your strength and will to keep going. You are a true blessing to so many.
So proud of you
Charity,
I’ve loved you SO LONG and I can NEVER IMAGINE your personal heartbreak and hell. I’ll love you always, I’m proud of you and so grateful for what you’ve accomplished and continue to accomplish to help others through your own pain.
I so look forward to your book. Painful as it WILL BE for me to read it. I could never have imagined you’d grow up to bear such heartbreak.
Life IS some kind of roller coaster!! We learn as we live. Then we die. Ride it out, honey!! ELLA will change people’s lives AND views and I’m SO grateful that God daily gives you the strength to keep pushing forward.
I LOVE YOU!!
I echo what Tracy Javid said,
“Charity Lee, Earth’s physical embodiment of unconditional love.”
I will be buying your book.
Wow, what tremendous emotional resolve it must have taken to share your story. Charity, thank you for opening your heart to all of us. You epitomize courage and unconditional love. I can’t wait to read the book. Peace and blessings.
Simply heart-wrenching. I have two small children of my own and I cannot begin to imagine the dark places you have gone to but you are showing everyone that there is still hope for the future and that is so inspiring! Can’t wait to read the book
Dear Charity, thank you for sharing this excerpt. I truly look forward to reading your book, and while the film “The Family I Had” was very well done and very powerful, I do believe your written words about all you’ve gone through and continue to go through, will be even more powerful, The written word facilitates even more layers of emotion, and I admire your courage and strength in writing this memoir.
You are so inspiring in how you choose to not hide inside your grief, but instead to bare everything, and shed light on the darkest moments of your life. Thank you.
I cannot wait for this book! God Bless you Charity!!!
This lady has worked sooooooooooooo hard on this book. She is such an amazing inspiration, Girl, get ready cause your life is about to change. Much love and Blessings!
Charity,
I’ve loved you SO LONG and I can NEVER IMAGINE your personal heartbreak and hell. I’ll love you always, I’m proud of you and so grateful for what you’ve accomplished and continue to accomplish to help others through your own pain.
I so look forward to your book. Painful as it WILL BE for me to read it. I could never have imagined you’d grow up to bear such heartbreak.
Life IS some kind of roller coaster!! We learn as we live. Then we die. Ride it out, honey!! ELLA will change people’s lives AND views and I’m SO grateful that God daily gives you the strength to keep pushing forward.
I LOVE YOU!!
Charity I have seen your show the family I had before and I just watched it again and found out about your book and I can’t wait to read it. I have no words to describe how I feel because I can’t even begin to understand how you are able to make it through a day much less years. I will say you are a very amazing woman and have the strength of a gaint.