Losing a young daughter to murder is the worst nightmare that a mother could possibly imagine, but what if the killer was her son? Charity Lee was thrust into this unimaginable situation when her 13-year-old son Paris murdered her beloved 4-year-old daughter, Ella.
Charity goes through intense grief at the loss of her daughter, while at the same time trying to understand why her son would have done something as horrific as this, and how she could have missed the signs that Paris was a true psychopath.
While barely holding herself together throughout her intense grief, Charity is still a mother, and feels a need to advocate for her son to receive appropriate treatment while incarcerated, while at the same time trying to ensure he stays in prison so he can never hurt someone again. Charity still loves her son, and craves a connection with him despite all he has done. Because of her experiences she rebuilds her life and starts a non-profit to help other families of victims, as well as offenders.
This book is a mediation on grief, loss and forgiveness unlike any other. It’s also an inspirational story of a true survivor. Well-written and haunting How Now, Butterfly? is a book that no reader will soon forget.
From The Author:
One, in spite of learning to live with her absence, I still grieve Ella as much as the moment I learned she was dead. She is constantly in my mind, my dreams, my nightmares, my plans, my hopes, my everything. Five years have passed yet I am still consumed by a child who no longer physically exists. I ache to hold my child, to smell her hair, to hear her laugh and her opinions, to see her blossom into the beautiful and spirited woman I fully expected her to be. Maybe grief becomes less intense for some as time passes but it has not for me.
Two, I miss my son, painfully. The expression “heart break” comes to mind.
Whenever I think of Paris, my heart physically constricts in my chest, begins to skip beats. I can’t breath and I start to cry. Considering I think of him if not thinking of Ella, as if they can be separated like that mentally and emotionally, you can imagine how difficult existing in public is at this time.
Three, I now grieve, fully, for my son that was. The Paris I raised and love is gone. The Paris who exists now is loved but feared, cannot be trusted. While I have grieved in small doses as I have watched him change from the amazing and loving son I gave birth to into the unremorseful and sadistic killer of Ella, I still had him in my life so that held my grief at bay. That is no longer the case. For now, for all practical purposes, both my children are lost to me.